Thursday, October 31, 2013

Blog I wrote 3 years ago about What to do when you find out you have a child with autism

What to do when you find out your child has been diagnosed with Autism?

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There are several things that a parent can do to make this diagnosis go a little smoother. I am going to discuss the things that helped me. First, I will give you a little background on myself and where I am from. Then I will give you some ideas of things to do to smooth out this new transition in your life. I hope this helps you in your journey.
Me
I am a 29 year old mother who has twin boys who are 6 years old. I am married and I live in Bloomington, Illinois. Both of my boys are on the Autism Spectrum. One is diagnosed with moderate autism and the other one is diagnosed with PDD-NOS(Pervasive Developmental Disorder). They were diagnosed at 2 years 2 months by a developmental pediatrician. I remember the doctor telling us the diagnosis and then not telling us what to do about it. It was so frustrating, we did not know what to do or where to turn. This is why I am writing this article. I want others to have some ideas on what to do and where to turn so they can help their child be the best that they can be. 
Breathe
First, the best thing anyone can do is breathe. When you first learn that your child is going to have special needs you can be overwhelmed with many different emotions. It is almost like you are suffering a loss and your body needs to grieve. One minute you may be sad, one minute you may be mad, one minute you may be in denial, and one minute you may be ready to conquer the world. These are all normal responses. I, to this day still go through a roller coaster of emotions as new trials arise in our daily lives. But, just no that you are not the only one going through this. 1 out of every 110 people are on the spectrum and you are not alone.
Connect
The best thing I ever did was join a group that was made up of people like me. People who are surrounded by the world of autism. The group I joined are parents, grandparents,  and educators. I probably learned the most from the people I have met in my autism support group, about where to go and what to do. Do a search on your computer for local autism groups and join one. Many times if you go to the Autism Society of America's webpage they will show some local chapters or your town may have their own group not affiliated with ASA. Most groups will have mailings that they send out to their members of events going on, important legislation, and research. Also, when you join these groups you will meet other parents that just get it. It is so nice to talk to other people that are going through what you are going through. Most of these groups have parent support group meetings. I highly suggest you attend a couple meetings. Connect!
Educate
I became what I call a google mom. When I first found out I googled autism and read almost everything I possible could on the subject. I was so confused at first on what the heck Autism was that I surrounded myself with articles to educate myself on the topic. I also suggest you read a couple books on autism. I really liked the book "Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes you Knew. Here is a link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Things-Every-Child-Autism-Wishes/dp/1932565302   It is important to educate yourself on what is autism, what are the best therapies and strategies, and what are my child's legal rights.
Therapies for your child
There are many clinics and places around that specialize in autism. Call them, get your child in for evaluations and start therapies. Every child on the spectrum is different and each child may benefit from different learning strategies. My kids have been through developmental therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, social skills classes, and ABA therapy. The team of people at these clinics will help you decide which therapy is best for your child. When I go into clinics I always have a list of what I want my child to be able to do. This seems to help the therapists figure out steps to take with your child. My biggest suggestion is start early. The earlier you start services the better chance your kids have of soaking in the information. 
Advocate
Remember you are your child's voice. You are going to be your child's best advocate. Don't be afraid to stand up and make sure you get your child every thing they need. This is very important in the school setting. Learn your child's rights. Then don't take no for an answer. Your child has the right to a fair and appropriate education. 
Spread Awareness
I think one of the hardest things that we have to do as parents is be in public. Other people that are not educated may glare at you, or be rude to you when your child is having a meltdown. But, I suggest you use these experiences to spread awareness. I always tell people my children have autism and that sometimes there are things that set them off that we can not control. Educate others on the facts. Maybe people won't be so quick to judge if people were aware of what autism is.
I hope that his helped. Just remember you are not alone, every child is different, and you are your child's best advocate. They refer to these kids as having special needs and I just think that they are plain special. They have given me such joy and I would not want them any other way! Good Luck on your journey in the world of autism!

Blog from 3 years ago I wrote on a different blog about balance

Being a Successful Mom While Being in a Relationship

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Balance
Life is all about balance. In order to be a good mother you need to be able to balance your time well. I believe it is extremely important to make sure you have time in your schedule for family, partner, friends, and just you. Sometimes we lose who we are because as moms we are always worried about taking care of everyone else but ourselves.
Family time is extremely important. There needs to be time set a side every week where the tv and all electronics are shut off and you all get time to talk. It could be talking over dinner, talking over playing a board game, in the car on the way home from picking your children up from school or activities. Having good communication with the family is a key element to a successful family. Get to know each other. Share your days and you will feel rewarded that you are more deeply connected to your family.
Partner time is also crucial in being a successful mom. Couples need time to be deeply connected as well. Plan a date night at least once a month if not more. Mark it on your calendar and do not take it off. Take time to connect with your partner. Having a healthy relationship with your partner is so important. Also, make time to talk to each other about your children. Make sure you are both educated on what is going on in your families lives. Just remember to always be open minded and willing to work hard because no relationship is perfect. There are always ups and downs in life but setting time aside to bond with each other is needed!
Friend time is also very important. Some people feel once they are in a relationship that they need to spend time with only their significant other and that is it. This is not healthy. You need to be your own person. Being your own person means you do have a life outside your partner and kids. Go hang with friends and make your significant other stay with the kids. I love and need my girl time whether it is meeting someone for coffee, going to dinner or a movie. It is so nice to chat with the girls. It also helps me vent about the drama in my home life. A lot of times these friends will be going through similar situations and can bring a whole new perspective to the table. It is so important not to bottle things inside. This is why I love my girl time I can release anything I am feeling and they also know I am there to lend an ear when they need advice or just someone to vent to. Make time for your friends it is so rewarding!
Me time is the part most of us forget to do. We all need to make time to for ourselves. I know when my me time is needed. There are times when I am on edge and losing my patience with the kids and that is when I look at my husband and say, I need to take a break can you please take over? During my me times I like to read, or take a hot bath, or head out and run. Find something that makes your forget all your worries and de-stress. Maybe it is shopping, swimming, painting or whatever it may be, just do it and you will feel so much better when you are done. When you are de-stressed you will be a better mom because you will be ready to tackle the kids with a clear head.
Just remember if mama ain't happy nobody is happy and in order for mama to be happy you have to balance family, partner, friends and yourself!

Stressed to the Max

Ever have one of those days where you just feel like you are losing your marbles?

Man oh Man, I am having one of those days. I have this overwhelming sense that I am just not making anyone happy lately. On top of that I have this incredible fear of failure. I do not like to make mistakes, nothing anyone can say to me will make me feel any worse than I already have made myself feel if I ever mess up. I am an overachiever, I like to push myself to know everything I can. Be it learning to be a better mom, a better advocate, a better employee, a better friend. I think that the thing I am not doing is trying to make a better me. I am so consumed with trying to WOW everyone and please everyone, somewhere I have forgot about trying to please me. I am taking on too much, I am too stressed out. I am letting my anxiety take over.

I recently read a blog I wrote three years ago, man I was smart then. I just need to remember to maintain balance in my life. I need to remember to make time for me. I also need to let things go. Don't worry about everyone else's problems. If I am not well, I won't be any good to anyone else. I need to build myself back up so I can get back out there and be a fully charged voice in the world.

Here is what I am going to do:

Pray more!
Love on my kids more!
Exercise more!
Read more!
Write more!
Love me more!

Thanks me 3 years ago for the words I needed!!!